ordinarygreen01 (ordinarygreen01) wrote in dating_diaries,
ordinarygreen01
ordinarygreen01
dating_diaries

Still Thinking.......

Originally posted by ordinarygreen01 at Still Thinking.......
I don't know why I'm still thinking about him...... It's already been so long...... I should have forgotten him by now....... I guess maybe I really do like him a lot...... maybe he is really kind of attractive...... there are a lot of girls are like me...... attracted to this handsome, sexy, bad boy type...... maybe he is really attractive.... that's why in my heart there seem still have a place that holds feelings for him....... This is kind of painful........ feeling him attractive but knowing that I can't be with him...... I know that if I'm willing he would really want to be with me..... but I can't be with him...... he's doing nothing good at all...... how can I be with someone like that..... there is no way...... but then still feel attracted to him......

I can't describe the feeling....... every time I receive a text message I always wish it's from him....... and last week it was really from him again........ I was so excited and at the same time....... hmmmm....... I decided that I'm just going to call him once.... to know that he is alright....... then I won't be contacting him again.......

He always tell me that I'm so beautiful...... He make me feel beautiful and sexy....... that is an amazing feeling....... feeling beautiful and sexy in front of a guy....... I'll always remember that...... make me feel good about myself........ that's very special.......

I can't believe I really had a bad boy type....... he was really so cool and sexy and...... but his life was truly like "sex, drugs, and rock'n roll"..... that's exactly was he does...... although in the beginning he didn't show that he was like that..... if I knew he was like that in the beginning I wouldn't have gone into a relationship with him........ but he behaved really well in the beginning that's why.......

It's kind of special experience to date with a bad boy........ it's kind of cool and exciting....... but I can't do all the bad things that he does....... like I can't deal with drugs at all....... and it's so obvious that his love for me is mainly just desire..... sex is mostly what I mean to him....... I can't say that he cares about me emotionally...... that's not really love........ but for bad boy type, love is mainly sex that's just how they are.......

I don't like it that I'm still thinking about him...... is he really that attractive to me....... I think he is really attractive that is the reason why I'm still thinking about him.......

But when I have someone new then I will forget about him then........ so I think I'll be alright....... no worries really........ but it's been kind of special experience for me really....... at least I'm all fine now.........

The programming study seem to be going well........ I feel like I can understand most of the contents.......... and I'm beginning to get an idea about programming....... and can get really good grades....... and I feel that I do have interest for it....... so this seem to be good....... looking forward in continue learning......
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