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Saturday, April 28, 2012

10:37PM - In Another Life......

Originally posted by ordinarygreen01 at In Another Life......

Originally posted by ordinarygreen01 at In Another Life......
Was listening to Katy Perry's song "The One that Got Away" today..... I remember hearing this song from the radio.... when I was in Colin's car...... he was driving pretty fast and..... I was listening to "In another life... I will be your girl... We keep our promises be us against the world...." and I felt kind of good.... cause he was so cool... and I was his girl.......

But now I listen to this song it just have another kind of meaning...... "In another life...." It only happens in "another" life...... not in this one...... and that is true how it is right now....... I still like him...... I still love him.... but I can't be with him in this life........ because he doesn't do no good..... In another life...... if he can be a good person....... but still be so cool and attractive..... then I could be with him....... that only happens in another life.......

I still remember the days when we were together...... I still remember the feeling of be in love with him........ it really felt good...... he loves me so much.... he thinks I'm so beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, pretty....... I'm his princess..... and he is so cool and sexy..... feel so good to be his gf........ I'll always remember that....... I am attracted to bad boys like that......... I think I really am...... just from the beginning that was what attracts me to him...... only that I thought he didn't really do bad things like bad boys do but........ anyways.......

I like him....... I really do....... I still do........ but for the sake of staying in the right direction of life..... I can't be with him...... there's no way I would go and deal with drugs with him...... how can I do that.... He's really doing nothing good all day.......

But in another life
I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away

(Go on a date)

12:23AM - Love and..............

Originally posted by ordinarygreen01 at Love and..............

It's 1:40am now, and I'm not tired at all. I'm really a night person. I love staying up late at night, until very late and I don't feel tired at all.....

I really want to write on here today. I've got good reasons and..... well the best thing about writing here is that nobody knows who I am and I can write anything I want. This is really cool. so I can express anything I like.......

But I haven't posted anything here for so long.... but today I've really got things to write about.... well..... It's good to be able to say anything I want over here......

I never thought..... I could ever be in love again....... I've been by myself and lonely for...... I can't really count for how long...... feels like forever...... but last time I really felt that I'm in love was about over 15 years ago...... well that's really long enough.....

In these 15 years I have had sexual experiences several times...... but mostly was just one night or short period of time.... and was kind of with strangers..... was nothing about love and affection at all.....

And I had suffered from mental illness for so many years, I've been just so unwell that finding love was just out of the question.....

But I've received all kinds of help with my mental problem and finally understand totally about my problem and found a type of medication that really works for me..... I still have to take the medication everyday but....... it works and my symptoms are reduced to the minimum..... I'm mostly normal and feels just like a normal person except that I have to take the pill everyday...... which is nothing much at all........

I've really been feeling totally better since last year...... and since I feel I'm mostly recovered and back to normal again...... that's why I was thinking about finding love again...... cause I don't want to be alone all my life, I want to find a perfect partner for myself...... so I began to try online dating....... I was so kind of desperate that I joined all the online dating websites that I can...... I got accounts from many different websites so that my chances might be higher........ and I mostly join the free sites or the ones that are free for girls or free when the other person has a paid membership........ so after all the websites I didn't have to spend any money on it........ which is pretty cool........

And I began to join online dating for a few months I think....... I was kind of desperate........ everyday the first thing I do online is to check all the websites that I joined and see if there is anyone new contact me..... that began my routine for the past few months.........

And I've went to meet the person in real life from the dating websites about 5 or 6 times now........ most times the guys like me, and they all tell me they think I'm pretty...... I guess that's the main reason they like me cause I'm pretty...... but the problem was always that------- but I don't like them...... Usually they are just ordinary people..... not that good looking or anything....... I just don't find them attractive at all........ so although they are attracted to me........ but I'm not attracted to them......... so that's why although they really wanted to see me again, but I just don't want to see them again..........

But the most recent meet with a guy from the dating site was different...... I didn't expect much when I was going to meet him....... from his photo in the website he didn't look any good...... was a bit chubby and nothing special........ but when I met him in person when we see each other for the first glance from a distance, I was suddenly struck by his appearance...... When he was walking up to me I can see that his figure was so good..... he was very tall and strong had perfect sexy manly body...... and when he was closer I can see that his face is so handsome....... I immediately felt attracted to him...... I've been in NZ for 6 years and this is the first time that I really get to meet a handsome guy........... most guys in real life are ordinary and not handsome at all....... this is really the first time I meet such a handsome guy...... and is sexy type of handsome......... and when he walk and when he's driving even when he is smoking(I don't really like people who smoke but the way he smokes is just so cool) he just seems so cool.........

I felt immediately attracted to him....... I thought to myself I've never met a handsome man like this......... and when we sat down and talk and he stops and smile at me...... his smile is so cute and radiant....... I can feel my heart pounding every time he smiles at me.........

and he said to me...... "It's so nice to meet you....... very pretty......." and after our short meeting(because he had to go meet his brother) I went to the library for a while....... then I received a txt from him, he said that he thinks I'm very attractive and desirable...... that makes me feel so good..... I still have that txt now in my mobile........ and I txt him back said that I think he's very handsome too......

One thing that is strange is that...... from all the guys that I dated...... they all thinks that I'm pretty...... since not just one, but many guys all thinks I'm pretty...... I guess that must be true then..... but the problem is...... I don't think that way myself........ when I look in the mirror I always think I'm so ugly......... but when I'm getting ready to go meet some guy for the first time, I make sure I dress up as nicely as I can.......... After I dress up I still don't feel that I'm pretty...... but then I'll just go and meet guys anyway....... if because I don't feel pretty myself then I don't go try dating at all..... then I'll be alone forever........ so although I don't really feel that I'm pretty but I still go try to date anyway........

surprising thing is the feedback I get is that they all think I'm very pretty...... that make me feel good cause that must be true then......... although I still don't feel that I'm pretty myself...... but then I don't mind about how I feel myself...... knowing that maybe I do appear pretty to them although I'm not feeling it myself........

But it's still so strange...... when everyone says that you are pretty but myself thinks I'm so ugly....... It's just so weird but that's how it is for me.........

anyway.......... since we both feel each other sexy and attractive..... our relationship developed so quickly...... I can't write about every little thing here or else would be too long....... but anyway....... what's the most significant thing to write about here? I think it was just the second day after we've met each other for the first time, we were saying lots of things through the mobile on the second day...... and we were exchanging txts back and forth in the evening...... then he suddenly said in the txt that he felt a little sad that he didn't see me the whole day and didn't get to kiss me and that....... he's coming to meet me right now(that was about 9pm at night)..... I thought he was just joking but then he txt and said "I'm on my way now...... you can say no if you don't want me....." I felt like I had no choice because I don't want him to feel rejected in anyway........ but(I'm living with mum) what am I going to tell my mum going outside to meet him this late at night....... but luckily my mum is a person that likes to sleep early at night and when he was on his way to my house my mom was already in her room getting ready to sleep.....

when I received his txt that his car is just outside near my house...... I sneaked out of my house...... I opened the front door gently..... make sure not making much sound...... when I'm in the front yard I can see my mom's room the light is still on...... but I know she's going to sleep soon and she's not hearing me........ so I walked tip toe through the front yard..... opened the gate really really carefully not to make any sound....... and then out on the drive way towards the street.........

does it sounds like some kind of novel now I think?...... but this is not a story that I made up it's all real....... but I'm feeling like adventurous now writing this part...... it's not something that happens in usual life......

when I opened his car door and get into his car he immediately gave me a kiss........ this is the first kiss for us........ well then we talked for a while and he said if I wanted to go for a little drive..... first I hesitated........ but after a while I said alright....... deep down I wanted to spend time private with him too....... and we drove around the block and he said...... what about park in the dark shadow I said ok....... so we parked at the side of the road which is very dark without street light.......

and then we kiss and then he began to touch my private and I didn't want to stop him at all because I was so attracted to him...... he tried to lower the seat so I can get on top of him....... but then I said people in the passing car could see right through the front window....... so he said what about the back seat...... so we both went to the back seat and......... we both take off the cloths and had sex and...... my vagina was so wet when he was fucking me..... he said yumm....... I'm sure he felt really good..... since I was so wet......... I've always been really wet when I had sex and all the guys liked it............

and after that we talked for a while and then I got out of the car about went home......... when I came to the gate saw the light in mum's room is already dark so she's already asleep....... so I went out and did that and nobody in the world knows........ that's just so........ I felt like we were like teenagers for doing things like this...... and avoiding parents........ but it was cool...... and I don't regret I did that with him cause I'm really so attracted to him.............

and what happened the next evening? don't believe it but we did the same thing again..... this time we drove up the hill and found a spot to park that didn't had any passing car at all..... so we did that........ making out in the car every night for this whole week...... every evening I would sneak out of my house when my mum went to sleep and go to his car and........ every night he tries something different and......... the first time in so many years that I'm able to enjoy sex and the sex we had is just so good.........

so what more can I write here? some problem really........ it's that....... I really enjoy when his penis is inside of me and when he is fucking me and I feel so wet and he feels really good........ but after a few days I find out that........ when he was fucking me the only feeling I had was very very wet and...... but I don't feel anything beside that....... I think I don't really feel the sexual pleasure when fucking....... I don't feel nothing.......

I been thinking about it these few days and I'm thinking about going to see doctor and tell them my sexual problem....... I don't feel the pleasure when I'm having sex...... I don't want to tell him cause I know he enjoys it very much and I don't want to disappoint him....... But if I can feel pleasure he would feel even more high.......

I use to be a person with overly sexual desire...... but after the depression I just lost all the sex drive I had......... I think it's a lot to do with depression...... but I'm going to talk to a doctor about it anyway.......

The reason we have to do it in his car is because we both live with our parents and we don't have a room our own...... it would be so good if we can do it in a bed and sleep together afterwards......... that would be just so good.......

So till today we've only known each other for one week exactly........ but we've already seen each others parents and I went to have dinner with his family today....... and after that he drove me and my son back and he stayed and talked to me and my mum for a long time and...... we've already known each others family so well........ it's really good.......

today after he stayed for a long time talking to us........ when he was about to leave...... I walk him to the front door and....... he kissed me and then hold me close........ his sexy body felt so warm and...... I felt that he really loves me so much...... and I'll always remember that moment when he kiss me and hold me tight........ I feel so loved and....... it's just so good........

well that's it about basically I don't have too much more to write and that's good....... I've written too long it's taken me 2 hrs I think....... or maybe a bit less I don't know....... but I started at 1:40am and it's 3:16am now....... so about 1 and half hr to write all this..........

but I'm glad that I wrote all this....... that I can express myself here..... the good and the bad...... anyway....... it's all good........

(Go on a date)

12:21AM - Still Thinking.......

Originally posted by ordinarygreen01 at Still Thinking.......

I don't know why I'm still thinking about him...... It's already been so long...... I should have forgotten him by now....... I guess maybe I really do like him a lot...... maybe he is really kind of attractive...... there are a lot of girls are like me...... attracted to this handsome, sexy, bad boy type...... maybe he is really attractive.... that's why in my heart there seem still have a place that holds feelings for him....... This is kind of painful........ feeling him attractive but knowing that I can't be with him...... I know that if I'm willing he would really want to be with me..... but I can't be with him...... he's doing nothing good at all...... how can I be with someone like that..... there is no way...... but then still feel attracted to him......

I can't describe the feeling....... every time I receive a text message I always wish it's from him....... and last week it was really from him again........ I was so excited and at the same time....... hmmmm....... I decided that I'm just going to call him once.... to know that he is alright....... then I won't be contacting him again.......

He always tell me that I'm so beautiful...... He make me feel beautiful and sexy....... that is an amazing feeling....... feeling beautiful and sexy in front of a guy....... I'll always remember that...... make me feel good about myself........ that's very special.......

I can't believe I really had a bad boy type....... he was really so cool and sexy and...... but his life was truly like "sex, drugs, and rock'n roll"..... that's exactly was he does...... although in the beginning he didn't show that he was like that..... if I knew he was like that in the beginning I wouldn't have gone into a relationship with him........ but he behaved really well in the beginning that's why.......

It's kind of special experience to date with a bad boy........ it's kind of cool and exciting....... but I can't do all the bad things that he does....... like I can't deal with drugs at all....... and it's so obvious that his love for me is mainly just desire..... sex is mostly what I mean to him....... I can't say that he cares about me emotionally...... that's not really love........ but for bad boy type, love is mainly sex that's just how they are.......

I don't like it that I'm still thinking about him...... is he really that attractive to me....... I think he is really attractive that is the reason why I'm still thinking about him.......

But when I have someone new then I will forget about him then........ so I think I'll be alright....... no worries really........ but it's been kind of special experience for me really....... at least I'm all fine now.........

The programming study seem to be going well........ I feel like I can understand most of the contents.......... and I'm beginning to get an idea about programming....... and can get really good grades....... and I feel that I do have interest for it....... so this seem to be good....... looking forward in continue learning......

(Go on a date)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

7:20AM - Your opinion:: Wanted

Here's the story, 
  
so there's these 2 guys, used to be best friends long time ago, as time passed they gradually stopped hanging out and stuff, called each other like twice per months to these small 5 min talks about how's each other's life etc. After some time one of them happens to get some girlfriend and they be together for like a year. Point is She is not happy with him, at least not as happy as a girl is supposed to be in a relation ship with someone she's supposed to love. It also happens that this girl meets her bf's ex-bestfriend and realises she likes him way more, feels he is more suitable for her. So she actually quits her bf and make all she can do to make up with that other guy, which does approve her and they start to go out, gradually getting in love.

Question is, since that's pretty much subjective, what is your opinion about the fact that that new guy started to go out with his ex-bff's girlfriend? Should he say no to her and just ignore her? (Assuming he liked her a lot of course). How right and/or wrong you think that is? 

Current mood: confused

(1 Date | Go on a date)

Monday, July 5, 2010

9:31PM - new blog

come and read my new blog. A choice between an ex lover and a best friend.

(Go on a date)

Monday, March 8, 2010

6:58AM - New Blog you might like

Hi everyone,

I am a 20-year-old female university student. I have just started a blog that I think people in this community might enjoy.

It is a humorous blog giving juicy true details of my tangled love and sex lives. Right now I have several guys in my life, including 'The Boyfriend', 'The Aristocrat', 'The Friend of the Ex' and 'The Bible Basher'. Come and read my witty tales to see how it all develops... You will like my blog if you're open minded and a little bit naughty!

http://manmuncher.livejournal.com

Kisses,

xManMuncherx

(Go on a date)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

11:00PM - back to school

The first day back at uni is where I saw the very beauty which I wanted to
hold and love with every fibre in my body.Firstly Im in my second year at
uni,jus started the first semester i play hockey n i would be considered a
jock in america but because this is England Im just considered a sporty
chick.Im 19, about 5ft 5,with muscles not fat just a well defined bod cos of
the weights i did as a kid,brown hair with blonde streaks.Ive been told I
have cute eyes n a cute smile by my preivous girlfriends all of whom im
still in regular contact with.
Well back on with the story,she noticed me the very first day i saw her,her
smile accentuating her gorgeous green eyes.No words spoken between us just a
smile,a smile enough to make me take notice of her which can be quite rare
as Id spent most of the summer single after my ex has told me I was too good
for her.She was wearing a loose-fittin South African rugby shirt n jeans I
swear i was totallly blown away by her.I had to calm down cos she was a
fresher n i didnt wana scare away the only potential gf material I'd seen
grace the uni campus.
I'm not into all the mind games crap,n I dont believe she was the type to
play it that way,but until i knew she was gay i kept myself from getting too
excited.I walked into uni the next day n bumped into her again this time she
muttered a 'hello' at my direction. Me,being stupid did a double take
thinking my blonde beauty couldnt be talking to me I carried on walking.Not
disturbed by my percieved rudeness(I didnt know) she decided to drag me in
the toilets n pushed me into a cubicle n preceeded to kiss me hard n me not
aware of the situation took a while to respond but when i did she understood
how i felt fo'sure.After the kiss had ended which seemed like forever not
that i was complainin,she said 'Now u get the hint darlin' Im Alex,n u r?',
'Er Im Beth,Alex its nice to meet ya'.We both knew no introduction was
really neccessary.She had a glint in her green eyes n i still couldnt
believe i was standing in a uni toilet just having kissed a hot girl.She
pulled me in for another smooch n this time it was more heated and I could
feel the passion being generated between us even if it was in a toilet
cubicle!
After we'd finally stopped kissin n groping each other,Alex dived into my
pocket n found my fone n punched her number in it under 'Babe' I wasnt
complaining,but I still had to ask 'You do want us to be an item dont you?'
she looked at me dumbfounded and didnt answer me just grabbed my hand and
pulled me out of the toilets towards the halls.I mean I'm not the type to
have meaningless,soulless sex it just isnt me.She literally dragged me back
towards halls and as we entered the 'Lord Openshaw' hall something clicked
it was my old hall from last year.She was in my old room purely by
coincidence,but the memories came back from me n various girlfriends.
I didnt tell Alex this for fear of reprisal and plus I had no clue where
this was going.She turned the key in the door and led me in.She pushed my
back pack off my back and very slowly moved down to my jean pockets to
remove my phone and wallet,'we dont want interruptions do we?' Alex murmured
and preceeded to trun off my phone.

More at my lesbian dating blog

(Go on a date)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

10:15PM - Not in Love

It's a crossroads
One is in love and one is not
Who will let it go
You're leaving now for all you never saw

It's the ugliest day
When you can't be what you need
So you let go, get off the phone
And leave me be

With silence and songs
Playing in the background of my room
When I am thinking completely
About all I do to you

And I'm lost in confusion
As to how easily you let it go
A friendship that's been forever
Just because I'm not in love and you know

And I know what I lost
When you said you give up and goodbye
The end of an era
That meant so much in my life
armenian chat rooms armenian singles

(Go on a date)

Friday, November 20, 2009

8:51PM - Tell me: Boundaries between Friends and ... More Than Friends

So folks, I'd love your input on this one.

What kinds of things do you do for and with your Friends that are different than what you would do for and with your lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner?

If you had someone who was pushing to be "more than friends" and you were keeping them in the "friends zone", what actions would you specifically take?

I've got some pondering to do before Sunday, and will post another entry as to my own thoughts, especially any stimulated by readers.

Take care!

Current mood: Inquisitive

(Go on a date)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

1:06PM

most excellent.
i joined this site basically to document my adventures.
looks like i'm not alone.
good stuff.

(Go on a date)

Friday, July 17, 2009

2:17PM - Adjusting Crotches, Nose Picking, and Throw Rugs

   I am trying to learn to laugh at some of my past mistakes when I can. So I figured that this little blast from the past would do the trick(Especially this one). Back when I was in my twenties I decided to try a blind date thing. I had never done that and I was open for a new experience.
  I turned to a friend who knew what i was looking for in a guy. A gentleman willing to romance me. Someone who was willing to get to know me. Someone who would embrace being showered with affection. But at that given moment someone who I could laugh with over dinner and make fun of a cheesy horror movie.
  So the day of the date I pampered myself. I painted my nails. Sprayed on my Charlie for good luck. Wiggled myself into a cute little black number complete with heels I had to climb a ladder with and silver hoops so big one could hool-la-hoop in them. Then I waited.
  About ten minutes before he was due to arrive I heard a knock at the door. I lived in a trailer at the time(for those who don't know what that it, it's a metal type dwelling with usually a diamond shape window to look out of in the door. Sometimes without being seen). So I took a peak before I opened the door. I must have timed it just right. Because his head was bent down when I looked out the tiny window.
  I wondered what he was doing. I didn't have to wonder long. He tugged at his crotch like men do. I was a bit taken a back. I had to remind myself that men do this from time to time. Then I saw him pick his nose!!!!!!!! Then he wiped it on a throw rug I had hanging over the banstier to air out!!!!!!!!!
  I opened the door quick. I was afraid he would pee on my bushes or steal my undies from my clothes line. He stuck his hand out to shake my hand. The one he used to pick his nose and fix his crotch with. He didn't even ask to borrow my bathroom so he could wash his hands first.
  I played off a head ache and a promise to get in touch. I never did. I heard he married a girl across town. I hope she taught him to wash his hands after doing succh personal things. He taught me why people don't go on blind dates!

Current mood: reflecting on the past

(Go on a date)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

11:07PM - Enough

xposted to alovehatething  and boys_and_girls .

I was driving home from work late one night, and I was crying.  The lines on the road blurred in and out of focus.  There was a thick, heavy pain in my chest and cement slowly hardening in my veins.  The night before, I sat on my sofa with the phone pressed into my ear, convinced that if I listened hard enough, I'd be able to figure out what was going unsaid in the awkward, halting conversation with the man who had just spent a weekend at my house, talking and eating and drinking and fucking. 

"Please," he had said, "please want to kiss me.  Please kiss me."  And I had kissed him as we lay intertwined on the same sofa where I now found myself alone.  I remembered his head on my chest, his legs nestled between mine, his arm wrapped around my neck.  I had articulated the curls on his head with my fingers, traced the outline of his lips, touched my own lips lightly to his temples, happy.  And then he had asked and we had kissed and then slowly walked upstairs, holding hands, to spread out on my bed and then fuck and fuck.  Only it didn't feel like fucking.  It felt like making love.  It's just in hindsight that I can call it fucking.

He was a former colleague from a high pressure job, and he had been brilliant at the work.  After a few years, I had moved on and he had stayed, and slowly, he had stagnated.  And then, over a decade later, he had appeared again, saying "I just had to find you," and "I feel . . . optimistic . . . about this.  I feel like this is meant to happen," and "can I come visit you?"  I had advised him to be careful, that we had a shared history we needed to respect, that we shouldn't play fast and loose with our own hearts.  That's when he had said the part about feeling . . . optimistic.  So I said yes, come visit. 

He stayed an extra day.  We slept with our arms wrapped around each other.  We talked about that old job.  He said "I feel like I'm making peace with that time by talking about it with you.  You were there.  I feel like I'm back in our past."  And I had a sinking sensation that the thing he liked most of all was that I could remind him in ways he had never heard before how good he was at the work.  I brought this up, but he brushed it aside.  "We are our pasts," he said.  We talked as if we were figuring out how to have a long distance relationship.  "I want to buy the house next door to you and just be around you forever," he said. 

Then he went home and disappeared.  Then he updated his facebook page to say he was thinking about a tough decision.  Then he told me someone he used to date asked him to move in with her.  Then he told me he had turned her down.  I asked if he'd been dating her when we were together.  He said no.  I asked if she thought they were dating and he said a slightly less emphatic no.  I asked if he wanted to be dating me.  Instead of answering, he said that he needed to take a long walk in the desert and just . . . think.  He asked if we could continue this conversation in a week.  I told him to enjoy his walk and that I was done.  

Periodically, he sends me little text messages, saying "I'm thinking of you" or "I hope you're doing well" or "do you want to come to a party?" and I ignore them.  Until he figured out what it was he was . . . thinking . . . about, I wasn't interested in his well wishes or party invitations.  

So I was driving home that night, and I was sobbing, and the road was blurring in and out of focus and there was a pain consuming my chest and my heart was forcing something hard and unyielding into my very circulatory system, and I just thought, enough.   

This is not a very exciting story.  It's an old story -- the same old story, really -- one I see repeated all around me enough to know that I'm supposed to conclude he's just not that into you and quietly walk away.  And I decided that while I might walk away from this man; I would not walk away from that behavior until I had named it as the bullshit it was.  The next day, I called up an old friend and propositioned him because he had not taken the coward's way out.  And then I looked up another man and fucked him.  And I started writing my manifesta.

Over the months, I get the same question from people who have found my livejournal: who did this to you?  And my answer is this story.  One man too many came on with all the ardor of love, only to waft away in the cold light of early morning.  It's a boring story because it's so fucking old, and I'm sorry if you were expecting fireworks, or gang rape, or a denouement at the altar, or a cheating spouse.  The truth is, what pushed me into this choice was the sort of thing that men do everyday without so much as a fleeting thought.  It was the callous disregard for my heart, the almost tactical deployment of a romantic narrative to kink up what should only have been casual sex, the roughshod swath cut through my life by too many men who don't understand that the emotional microaggression that passes for dating these days is like the steady dripping of a leaky sink.  Give it enough time, and your house is going to collapse around you. 

(3 Dates | Go on a date)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

6:09PM - hey

I'm new here. I hope my story and journal will touch someones heart.

(Go on a date)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

2:56PM - many emotions...venting

I usually post about my ED but right now I suppose I'm more caught up in the weight of my heart. I met this guy 3 years ago but we began dating around the 4th of July. We started out be really really good friends. I believe we sometimes see someone and want there to be a connection so badly that we sort of make it happen but tell ourselves it was natural. This guy (we'll call him Tom)is a bit older than me and wasn't my ideal kind of guy at first but he became my total buddy. Our relationship was based on trust and respect and on a smaller level still is. Though at the begining I did notice that he only had one friend (besides me)that consisted of 95% of his social life and it had probably been that way for a while. In the back of my mind I kept wondering if the way he at times seemed to be...I guess obsessed it to strong of a word but I would wonder if I was mostly a ticket out of his loneliness but how could I find that out for sure? Anyways about 2 months later he became more comfortable in letting his temper tantrums/way to gain control show. When he would do something I disagreed with and I would say it would try to always get really mad at any tiny thing I disagreed with and try to intimidate me into biting my tongue when I felt he wasn't treating me right or I disagreed. He does this every time we are together. Sometimes he'll drag it out but it seems when he has something to gain than he cuts it short.Though he shows that he has a lot of love for me. I know your probably thinking yeah you just want to believe that but I could tell that he wasn't faking how strongly he felt towards me by the people closest to him. If he really cherishes me why the tantrums that pulls us apart? How can someone do both to someone? Is it b/c he knows I'll keep coming back? Which I think is a strong possibility but if that is the case I still don't get it. I was curious what other people thought about the situation.

(1 Date | Go on a date)

Saturday, June 14, 2008

8:59PM - A secret.

I am new to the community and wanted to say hi! I just met a guy and for the first time in my life I consider myself IN LOVE! Advice is always appreciated, since I love giving it out as well!

Here is the story!

Current mood: bouncy

(Go on a date)

Saturday, June 7, 2008

1:34PM

 Hi. I just created this journal because I need some advice from people who aren't in my "circle."

Here's the deal:

I've gone out a couple of times (just platonically) with a guy friend of mine who just broke up with his gf.  He's mentioned several times that he's still not over the breakup, which just happened recently.  He's also told me that he's not ready for any new relationship.  This is conversation that HE brought up, not me.  Clearly something is on his mind. So, I'm not sure what to think.  Is he telling me that he's not in any way attracted to me?  Or is he saying that he likes me but isn't ready to move on because he's sill hung up on his ex?  When we hug goodnight (there has been no kissing) I've caught him a couple of times looking at me like he has something to say, but he says nothing...I can't read him.  

I know I'm probably overanalyzing this but I can't stop thinking about it.

Also, for the last couple of times we've gotten together he's invited other people.  This seems like a pull-back to me.
 

(2 Dates | Go on a date)

Sunday, August 5, 2007

10:15PM - A note to Mods

I am not sure what the policy is on spam in this community, but I believe that the account Flavorof julie is a spam account.  she has only one entry in her journla which is a link to her voting site nurmerous times, and her myspace is also just trying to collect votes.

Just thought I would bring it to your attention.

Current mood: sick

(Go on a date)

11:07AM - SPEED DATING

I was lured in, unsuspecting, by a female friend who claimed to have "many friends" that had had success with the speed dating phenomenon. The website espoused some ridiculous rate of successful match ups and of course had numerous testimonials from people that had found their one-and-only on the very first night they went to a speed dating function. They did not show photos of these people. The photos they did show were of hot 20/30-somethings swilling down cocktails and eating platefuls of canapes. I signed up and looked through the events listed as "appropriate" for my tastes and needs.

I ruled out "Globetrotters" as these free-spirited, itchy-footed people would probably not take to kindly to the 4-year-old child strapped to my left leg. I ruled out "Graduates" merely because apparently rather than just needing to be "intelligent", I need a piece of paper known as a "degree" to go to this one, and since I gave three years of uni a miss in favour of one year of business college, I will resist the urge to whine about how insane and unfair this is given that anyone with a mark of 50 or above can get into uni if they want. I got 94.55, damn it!!

Instead, I opted for "Wine Tasting", I rationalised that a) it was $20 more expensive than all the other events and would therefore rule out the cheapskates, b) the very prospect of a wine tasting would rule out bogans that sustained themselves with VB and "Winnie Blues", and finally, c) the alcohol would be free-flowing enough to anaesthetise any misery that might ensue if I was entirely incorrect about a) or b).

Read More....

(Go on a date)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

9:08PM - Jesse James

Ok, so I made up that name; but as you know, the initials are the same and I just couldn't give him one first name when he had two (first and middle) and I just loved his name.
You know when you're just drawn to a person just by their name? Well I do. Didn't want to call him JJ like everyone else, I had to call him his whole first two names.

So we meet up for dinner on Wednesday. We first spoke on Tuesday and the only day I had available was Wednesday and he was going on a trip that coming weekend for two weeks.
Very casual. Had a pretty good time at dinner and had a few drinks.
Now, I like to think and I pretty much know what a person is like within the first impression. I got a pretty good vibe. I don't really wanna go into detail why but his background with his family told me that this was a good guy. Our conversations that night went from some serious stuff, to past things, to extremely funny topics. At the end of the night, duh I got a kiss. =)
It was really cute. He walked me to my car and I was telling him about the holiday party I was going to have at my place and my friend is bringing mistletoe but it was going to be all girls. He said,"Well here's a kiss from a boy." Cute right?

Thursday night is my happy hour night. My friends and I are out at local bars drinking. On a whim I text messaged Jesse James even though I knew that he was out bowling or something. I said, "So are you going to bowl all night or come over here?". He called me within 5 minutes and asked if I was serious. He had been drinking at his company holiday party and also when he went bowling. He was about 40 minutes away. He said, "If I come there, I'm not driving back. It's too far and I'm sort of drunk". I didn't know what else to say since I was sort of being cornered, but what the hell, I was almost drunk and I didn't really think about what would happen later.
He showed up within an hour and met all of my friends. We drank some more and just totally acted like a couple. He was all for PDA (public displays of affection) and I didn't really know if I liked that since we had just met yesterday. But I thought it was really cute because he said, "Well, all the guys at this bar now knows that I'm here with you so they can't make any moves on you". haha. I guess it was a bit posessive, but I thought it was cute. So all night we're making out at the bar, outside, in the car, etc.
We drive to my apartment and well, more fun stuff happens. Use your imagination. haha
We both have work in the morning, so he leaves and says, "Well you definately gave me something to think about while I'm away for two weeks."

For the next two weeks, which included Christmas and New Years, we had been text messaging each other and calling. I couldn't wait until he got back.
Finally, he came back and we were talking about maybe getting together at the end of the week. He goes to school and passes by my town's exit on the way and back, so he was going to come over the night before and then go to class.
The night before he came over, I had text messaged and asked when he was coming over. I got nothing. I got nothing the next day, so I made other plans. I really did not have time to be playing whatever he was doing so my friends and I went out to dinner and then for drinks. After all, it was Friday and we always go out on Fridays.
Later that night, I finally get a text message saying that he had been at work until that time, there's no signals where he works, and that we would talk later. I got home later that night and saw that he had also left me messages on my instant messenger.
He said that work was really rough this week and something happened with fixing up his house. I decided to forgive him and invited him over after class the next day since he would be passing by my town anyways. I get a message way later saying that he had already gone home by the time he got my message and that he had promised his friend that they would watch football together.
At this point, after being turned down twice, I decided I was just going to wait for him to initiate anything.
A week later, I got weak and called and text messaged him to see what he was doing in my drunk state. I pretty much got no response. All I could do was wonder what had happened.

Another week later, he instant messages me and says, "I really wanted to tell you before, but you had been out and your away messages sounded sad and I didn't know if it was about me or what so I didn't email you. I decided to get back together with my ex and try to work things out and I didn't want to keep leading you on. I hope we can stay friends. If you don't want to, I understand. I'm sorry I didn't want to hurt you. I know this happened to you before so I didn't know how to tell you."

Well damn. How else would you let me know then? Gotta let me know asap dumbass. And no the away messages were not about you. So I said, "Don't be ridiculous. Thanks for telling me. Good luck."
I guess he felt guilty because then he said, "I'm a good person and I just wanted to do the right thing."
I'm telling you, if one more guy I'm "dating" goes back to his ex, I'm gonna become a nun. haha.

Current mood: annoyed

(1 Date | Go on a date)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

1:48PM - Written October 10, 2003 by Matthew

Originally published at Memories of Matthew. Please leave any comments there.

Comments are enabled on this post, but will be screened and cross-posted to the website.

Over the past few days, I have been really upset. The idea of my aunt dying is really taking a toll on my daily life. Not that I want anything to happen to someone else, but my aunt happens to be my favorite relative. What upsets me even more is what my father said the other day. The man cannot come to grips with reality. Everything just somehow always relates to God. His sister is dying and he can still manage to say it is the will of God. Just writing this down almost brings me to tears. I am really confused.


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